Welcome Back

You’re back
After 5 months, you’re back
I should be happy,
with a smile on my face
and a positive vibe

But –
why do I feel sad?
I feel like you are leaving a piece of you behind
the place you used to live
and I am sad for you.

I can feel your pain
the isolation
the lost nights and days

I am helpless.

If I can take your pain
if I can shelter you under my arms forever
if I can chase the bad dreams away
if I can shield you from anything bad
I will.

I know that this is a part of growing up,
of life
something that you must face
but I feel what you feel
I can feel the anguish
the uncertainty
the remorse
of leaving something, 

And I die with you
my heart is breaking into little pieces
and the tears keep falling

You’re back
and I am sad. 
© Greymom 

Published in: on February 28, 2016 at 10:23 pm  Leave a Comment  
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This is Not a Valentine Post 

I never celebrated Valentine’s day. I find it cheesy, tacky and corny. The closest I celebrated Valentine’s Day is the day after. When all the madness has died down. Where all the shelves have been emptied of anything heart-shaped. And the only flowers left are carnations, tulips, lilies, orchids and anything that is not a rose. 

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy a boquet of roses, chocolates and the mushy greeting card but not on a day when it feels like it is being shoved down our throats. It feels like being ordered: “be romantic!”, “show her you care”, “express it with a card”.  Ain’t love supposed to be spontaneous?

Maybe in the beginnings of a relationship where the guy puts the best foot forward, he gives it his all – flowers, chocolates, dinner and a movie -the whole shebang! And as the relationship progresses, it gets old; practicality wins over romance. 

I have been married for a little over than 20 years now and I experienced firsthand how this all goes down. I never expect anything but husband has bought me roses or orchids, chocolate and a mushy card every Valentine’s day. This year though – no flowers, no chocolates, no card. Instead I got – an Apple watch.  

 He has been dropping hints and asking me when I will come back to running again and when I ask him if I look fat, he says: “a little bit”. He initially wanted to buy me a fit bit but I didn’t want it because: 1. everybody has it and I refuse to be amongst the many 2. I have a latex allergy and after seeing my sister’s rashes on her wrist, that just validated my point. Sure there are the pocket ones or the ones you can clip on your bra but I have no desire to put any more implements to my body. I was adamant about not getting one and husband finally gave it a rest – or so I thought. He went and bought me “the watch”.

I have never been a fan of the newest gadgets. Sure I love the efficiency, portability and usefulness but the frugal me would rather not spend that much money on something, specifically electronic and flashy. 

So believe me when I say I feel ashamed of using this watch. Not to be ungrateful or anything but I do not think this is practical. He insists I deserve it but I think he just feels guilty that he did not get me anything for Christmas and wedding anniversary (not even dinner). So I guess, you know what? I think I’ll enjoy my watch. Even though the damn thing tells me when to stand when I am sitting for prolonged periods. 

Published in: on February 18, 2016 at 11:35 pm  Leave a Comment  
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F*ck Love 

I just finished a book today. It was a really good book. So good that I had to copy all the beautiful, poignant and sensitive sentences. And this is the most that I had to copy all the quotes from from any book I have read. It was just full of insightful wisdom that made me reflect and contemplate about life, love, friendship and bravery. 

The book is called F*ck Love by Tarryn Fisher. 

The reviews on this book are mixed. The subject is indeed a little sensitive – falling inlove with your best friend’s boyfriend, which I do not agree on, most certainly. For me – it is such a relationship, dealbreaker event. There is the girl code: chicks before dicks. You never ever date your friend’s boyfriend – present or past. But the book is more than that. It’s about being brave and serendipity and the power of true love. 

There are so many memorable quotes in this book – 
“Don’t be upset that you can’t attain constant happiness. It’s the quickest way to feel like a failure in life. If each of our lives represented a page in a book, happiness would be the punctuation. It breaks up the parts that are too long. It closes off some things, divides others. But it’s brief—showing up when it’s needed and filling tired paragraphs with breaks. Being content is a more attainable constant state. To love your fate without being drunk on euphoria. Brave, determined acceptance removed of bitterness. Be gentle with yourself. Embrace the lows so that you can more effectively enjoy the highs. Love the fight. Love it so much, and let it save you when your emotional muscles have become soft”

“No one tells you that it hurts this much to be a grown-up. That people are so complicated they end up hurting each other to self preserve”

“Life is but a carousel of four seasons. Unpredictable for the most part. Happy. Unhappy. Content. Searching. Mess up the “order, and they still rebound at one point or another. I’ve learned that revolution can be inward or outward. A move across the country to gain perspective. A change of heart and mind to gain sanity. But the point is to revolt when the season changes. If only to quench your thirst, revolt.”

“I want him to be happy.”
“That’s easy to say until the person you love is happy with someone else. Girls always choose men, and men always choose the wrong girls. It’s an endless cycle.”

And so on…. 
I hated that the book ended. As in the case of any boook that I read – I get invested in the characters. I become the main character in the book, or it will feel like watching a movie, going to places I’ve never been. I see a little of myself in some or all of the characters. They do things I want to do, things I am not brave enough to try, they say the words that I cannot articulate. And I live vicariously through these characters. 

And as always, I hated that the book ended. And so I look back at the quotes, sentences, paragraphs that I copied from the book, as I do with other books and song lyrics. 

Until the next book, movie, tv show and song. 

Published in: on February 8, 2016 at 12:05 am  Comments (8)  
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