Ashley Madison-ish Dreams

  

I have long been having these recurrent dreams concerning an ex and it has always bothered me. I feel like I have cheated even though it is just in my dreams. I feel guilty the next day and at the same time I question myself: Aren’t dreams supposed to be your subconscious telling you something? That your deepest wishes comes out in your dreams? And even though I will forever have these what if’s in my life, I think that we are both better off without each other – my ex and I. No, he is better off without me. So why the dream when I have reconciled this particular what if in my life? 

Today, I finally got my answer. Thank God for my therapist who is so worth the $30.00 co-pay. 

She explained that considering all the stress that I have been under lately, it is but normal for me to subconsciously go back to my innocent, happy point in my life. Which happens to be during the time I was with my ex. She said that it doesn’t necessarily mean that I wanted it to happen or that I wish I was back together with him, it is some sort of a coping mechanism for me. We tend to retreat to somewhere comfortable and familiar, she said. 

I have always thought it was just me. Today I finally found out that this is pretty common. 

Hey, I’m normal after all. No membership to Ashley Madison neccessary. 

Week 3 – Anniversary

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Thanksgiving 2013 will go down in my personal history as the time I was at my lowest. I was in a deep dark hole and I was unable to get out of the rut I was in. That time, I finally acknowledged that I have major depression. And I know I needed help. I have, after all, had a most recent experience with my son.

One year later and I am seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist. I have been taking medication on a daily basis while I struggle day by day. And last week, as I was bracing for the “anniversary”, I made plans. I refused to be in the same deep hole as before.

I invited people for thanksgiving, I bought craft materials, just in case,  bought a book and made plans to clean and organize the house. Things were looking up.

Or so I thought.

3 days before Thanksgiving, I had an argument with my sister.

2 days before Thanksgiving, I learned that the person we planned the get-together with was not coming. After I called and asked to confirm that they’ll come and to make sure meal planning will be in order.

1 day before thanksgiving, I saw my therapist. And we talked about all that have transpired leading to the anniversary.

I am doing okay though. It was just my family but we gave thanks as we shared a meal, had a movie night and as it turns out – a friend and cousin came for Thanksgiving and we had 2 glasses of margarita each.

Overall, the anniversary turned out okay.