Beginnings and Endings

I cry
on endings

at the end of a movie
the end of a book
the end of a relationship
the death of a loved one.

I cry
at beginnings

when a new life comes
when two hearts join as one
when there is so much joy in my heart
when my heart overflows with love.

I cry on beginnings and endings.

 
© Greymom

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F*ck Love 

I just finished a book today. It was a really good book. So good that I had to copy all the beautiful, poignant and sensitive sentences. And this is the most that I had to copy all the quotes from from any book I have read. It was just full of insightful wisdom that made me reflect and contemplate about life, love, friendship and bravery. 

The book is called F*ck Love by Tarryn Fisher. 

  
The reviews on this book are mixed. The subject is indeed a little sensitive – falling inlove with your best friend’s boyfriend, which I do not agree on, most certainly. For me – it is such a relationship, dealbreaker event. There is the girl code: chicks before dicks. You never ever date your friend’s boyfriend – present or past. But the book is more than that. It’s about being brave and serendipity and the power of true love. 

There are so many memorable quotes in this book – 
“Don’t be upset that you can’t attain constant happiness. It’s the quickest way to feel like a failure in life. If each of our lives represented a page in a book, happiness would be the punctuation. It breaks up the parts that are too long. It closes off some things, divides others. But it’s brief—showing up when it’s needed and filling tired paragraphs with breaks. Being content is a more attainable constant state. To love your fate without being drunk on euphoria. Brave, determined acceptance removed of bitterness. Be gentle with yourself. Embrace the lows so that you can more effectively enjoy the highs. Love the fight. Love it so much, and let it save you when your emotional muscles have become soft”

“No one tells you that it hurts this much to be a grown-up. That people are so complicated they end up hurting each other to self preserve”

“Life is but a carousel of four seasons. Unpredictable for the most part. Happy. Unhappy. Content. Searching. Mess up the “order, and they still rebound at one point or another. I’ve learned that revolution can be inward or outward. A move across the country to gain perspective. A change of heart and mind to gain sanity. But the point is to revolt when the season changes. If only to quench your thirst, revolt.”

“I want him to be happy.”
“That’s easy to say until the person you love is happy with someone else. Girls always choose men, and men always choose the wrong girls. It’s an endless cycle.”

And so on…. 
I hated that the book ended. As in the case of any boook that I read – I get invested in the characters. I become the main character in the book, or it will feel like watching a movie, going to places I’ve never been. I see a little of myself in some or all of the characters. They do things I want to do, things I am not brave enough to try, they say the words that I cannot articulate. And I live vicariously through these characters. 

And as always, I hated that the book ended. And so I look back at the quotes, sentences, paragraphs that I copied from the book, as I do with other books and song lyrics. 

Until the next book, movie, tv show and song. 

Published in: on February 8, 2016 at 12:05 am  Comments (8)  
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Ashley Madison-ish Dreams

  

I have long been having these recurrent dreams concerning an ex and it has always bothered me. I feel like I have cheated even though it is just in my dreams. I feel guilty the next day and at the same time I question myself: Aren’t dreams supposed to be your subconscious telling you something? That your deepest wishes comes out in your dreams? And even though I will forever have these what if’s in my life, I think that we are both better off without each other – my ex and I. No, he is better off without me. So why the dream when I have reconciled this particular what if in my life? 

Today, I finally got my answer. Thank God for my therapist who is so worth the $30.00 co-pay. 

She explained that considering all the stress that I have been under lately, it is but normal for me to subconsciously go back to my innocent, happy point in my life. Which happens to be during the time I was with my ex. She said that it doesn’t necessarily mean that I wanted it to happen or that I wish I was back together with him, it is some sort of a coping mechanism for me. We tend to retreat to somewhere comfortable and familiar, she said. 

I have always thought it was just me. Today I finally found out that this is pretty common. 

Hey, I’m normal after all. No membership to Ashley Madison neccessary. 

Decisions, decisions

words of wisdom from Carolyn Hax, a Washington Post advice columnist:

Most “impossible” decisions mean you actually do know what you want but feel internal pressure to talk yourself out of it.

Base your decisions on what you know, not just on what you fear.

Published in: on October 31, 2007 at 8:37 am  Comments (11)  
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