Of Christmas trees and flickering lights 

  For the first time in forever,
there was no sadness nor loneliness.
None of the melancholy I feel
every Christmas time.

The tree is up,
the lights are on
and I am so glad to be home.

Colder days, awesome nights

      

It is getting colder again and I am happy. 

There is something about the cool breeze on my face,
the moon shining bright above
and the stillness of the night
that evokes nostalgia in me.
Good memories, mostly.
Memories of my youth,
of innocence
and simpler times. 

And so I wait
for the night time —
where I can go back
to what once was
and smile
as I remember. 

Lost

I cry
For the me that i lost
For the me that was strong
For the me who says what she wants to say,
do what she wants to do

I wish
One day I will find my voice
I will stand up on my own,
say what I want to say
Do what i want to do.

I wonder
When
And how
And where?

Published in: on October 7, 2016 at 10:13 pm  Leave a Comment  

You Without Me

I only see you in pictures now
Not ones you send, no.

We do not talk
we do not communicate
Instead we observe each other
from a distance
both not wanting to let
the other know.

Today I saw a picture of you –
being happy without me
having a life outside
of us
of what we used to be.

You are better off without me
you are where you should be
you deserve
someone
anyone
but me.

Beginnings and Endings

I cry
on endings

at the end of a movie
the end of a book
the end of a relationship
the death of a loved one.

I cry
at beginnings

when a new life comes
when two hearts join as one
when there is so much joy in my heart
when my heart overflows with love.

I cry on beginnings and endings.

 
© Greymom

1:03 am thoughts

I am in bed
but awake

perusing words of strangers
Taking it all in
the anguish
the sadness
the joy
the angst
life
And I try to sort my emotions,
a kaleidoscope of feelings –
longing
regret
fear.
Sleep eludes me
eyes wide open
cocooned in my blanket
my body tired
thoughts racing

I am in bed
but awake.

Published in: on March 5, 2016 at 2:29 am  Comments (2)  

Restless

There are so many things I want to do – stitch, write, organize, clean, watch a movie, take down fall decor and put up Christmas ones, and so on and so forth. But I do not know what to do. 

It’s Friday night and it is supposed to be the start of the weekend. I can drink a glass of wine, stay up late, have fun without thinking of work the next day. But instead I sit here pounding on my keyboard. 

I have always been a restless soul. I feel like I am constantly in search of something. What that something is, I do not know. All I know is that I must find that something and maybe then I will be restless no more. 

I wake up periodically at night. Almost every hour. I just randomly open my eyes, stare at the bedside clock and try my best to go back to sleep. And I love sleep, I love my naps. The funny thing is that I sleep more soundly when I am not in my own house. Last week when we were in Delaware, I slept like a baby. Not even getting up to pee in the middle of the night. Maybe it was the fact that we were on vacation and I do not have to think about anything else.

I should be doing something right now. My mind is alive but my body refuses to budge. 

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. 

Published in: on December 4, 2015 at 10:10 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Awake 

  
Lying awake at 1:27 am

Trying to find the words

What am I feeling? 

Why can’t I sleep? 

How do I make myself go to sleep? 

Maybe I need to talk to my therapist

It has been a while since I went. 

Maybe the tea I drank is keeping me awake

Maybe I have been used to sleeping alone

And now that he is back, 

My world has changed again. 
© Greymom 

Published in: on November 7, 2015 at 2:38 am  Leave a Comment