A year older. And yet

We’ve all had it, a time when you wished you can take back the words that you said and the things that transpired just kept repeating over and over in your head. I had one of those days last week and it was a helluva day! I wanted to kick myself for saying some things I shouldn’t have and for not saying some things that I should have. Human nature keeps us from being perfect and there are times when we are even more human as days go by. More mistakes on top of mistakes and we are buried way deeper than we wanted. Like an ostrich burying his head on the sand, I felt shame and uncertainty. It went on for days as I wallowed in regret and self-pity.

Fast forward this week and I am okay again.

Looking back, I should be less impulsive and be more insightful. Getting a year older, that’s what I would have expected. But am I really wiser, more mature now that I am older? I don’t feel older, that’s for sure. I still gravitate towards “young” movies and tastes that were otherwise marketed towards the younger generation.

I wonder – when will my real age make sense? There was a show on Oprah last week that showed older women who said that they are more empowered and better after age 40. Should I wait until then?

I see fine lines, laugh lines and oh no! wrinkes on my face. I can’t lose weight as quickly, my metabolism is slowing down. I celebrated my birthday quietly – less noise makes for discretion. We celebrated it unconventionally – window shopping (although we did buy some Yankee candles). We ate at a buffet place – less waiting time for the food to be cooked and no need to make decisions as to what to order, just heap up your plate and go. In all, it was an ordinary day. I didn’t expect much, just a quiet time with the family.

Life is moving on slowly. I wish I can let it pass quickly and yet – another year older?

Published in: on September 12, 2007 at 9:06 am  Comments (10)  

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10 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Happy Birthday! Is it your birthday Mary! Rejoice and your are a year wiser πŸ™‚ . Enjoy your day.

  2. Thanks Tina! It was my bday a couple of days ago.

  3. Well, belated happy birthday to you, dear friend.

    Yes, sometimes it is difficult to have maturity with age because we are so engrossed with too many concerns we have the tendency to not think rationally. Sticks and stones may break some bones and words, these may break the spirit. Oh, I am not saying we need to be on our toes minding our words the whole time because that would be very stressful, LOL. What is important is we learn from our mistakes and we try our best to cope. Take care!

  4. belated happy birthday grey mom! got here through pmn. i know how it is to have a bad day… i’ve been having a couple these past few days… =)

    well, every birthday is a blessing! and every day is a new beginning… =)

    God Bless!

  5. Happy Birthday Mary!

    I tend to do that, too. last month, i saw this girl who i haven’t seen for a while. she is kind of chubby and so i said, my gosh, you’re huge! what i meant to say is she was a big girl now but am afraid she might have taken it the other way. although, i rephrased what i really meant but i felt horrible of what came out of my mouth.

    anyway, hope you had a wonderful time on your birthday! don’t fret, am 45 already!

  6. Happy Birthday!!! Wishing you all the best πŸ™‚
    I know what you mean, I’ve done said several bad things in the past that I regretted up to this day. I’ve learned to put a brake on my mouth on most days now hehe. I’m just like you, I want a quiet celebration.

  7. Hi Julie: Thanks. Very wise words from the teacher. Thanks again, I appreciate it!

    Hi Karen: Thanks for visiting and for the bday greeting. Hope you visit again.

    Hi Belle: Thanks! LOL, let’s hope that girl did not take it the wrong way. Sometimes we put our foot in our mouth and then feel really bad about it huh?

    Hi Maps: Tell me about it, as we age we really want a quiet celebration. Sign of aging yata. πŸ˜€

  8. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Bakit di ka nagsasabi?

    I guess as we get older we really don’t feel the need to make a big fuss whenever our birthdays come around. The important thing is to be able to spend it with the people we love and who love us back πŸ™‚

  9. Happy Birthday! I’m all for quiet celebrations, too.

  10. Hi Cookie: Syempre, matanda na kasi eh kaya di na nag-a announce! πŸ˜€

    Thanks Purplegirl!!!

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