Rants of a Stay-at-Home-Mom

While being a SAHM is a rewarding experience, there are days when we feel unappreciated, our self esteem is at a low point and we ask if there is more to life. This is one of those days… 

 It has been awhile since I have been a SAHM. True, being a stay-at-home-Mom is a full time job but still there are times when you crave adult interaction, going to work everyday, getting all dressed up instead of your usual sweats and t-shirt and sneakers. I want to be able to talk to somebody about what’s going on with the world, the latest fashion, and the latest celebrity gossip. Superficial, I know but these are a part of our daily lives that we crave. Us meaning SAHMs. I heard on the radio that the number one reason why people go to work is so they can talk to their co-workers. Where else can you get a meeting of the minds on a daily basis but at the workplace? While there are other venues as well (meetings, conferences, etc) the workplace is a totally different scenario. Your co-workers are people you see on a daily basis and whether you disagree on other topics, you can never hold a grudge for you see them everyday. There’s a certain kind of tolerance needed to get along with others that are otherwise intolerable people, office politics if you will. And while being with pleasant people can be nauseating sometimes, we need them on days that we need cheering up. A lot of factors really.

One other thing I crave is financial freedom. While DH is doesn’t mind being the sole breadwinner, it’s not okay with me. I want to earn my own money, get out there and do something important. Sure raising a child so they end up good citizens is a very important job but sometimes to be able to do so would need a content, happy mother. I feel that I can be a better mother if I work, even part time.

On Oprah a few months ago, they discussed about mothers, I believe the topic was- Can Women Have it All? A career and being a good mother? Both sides of the spectrum was discussed. There were representatives of career mothers and SAHMs. Both sides felt compelled to present their cases to the other. And both sides felt guilty of being not what the other one is. Some of the SAHMs came out so self-righteous that it looked like they were being too defensive and the career women felt guilty that they aren’t at home more with their kids but felt they had to do this for them. Some career women came out as selfish Moms. While the SAHMS felt that they are doing a huge sacrifice and should therefore be acknowledged as such. Both sides showed that each have their postive as well as negative aspects. I do not side with either one for I was at one point a career Mom and a SAHM. I did empathized on some points that both showed and felt what both sides felt.

I didn’t watch the whole show. There never is a real answer, I believe. And I don’t think Moms can have it all. There can be  a balance at times but there will be times when we just can’t handle it all. Which we don’t need to since parenting involves both the mother and the father. Mothers need to delegate. Let fathers be fathers to their kids. There is however a certain kind of expectation that Moms need to live up to. It’s overwhelming at times. But we try our very best not to mess up and hope against hope that we are doing the right thing. 

Published in: on May 3, 2007 at 11:03 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. That perhaps one of the topics for debate what would not see an end. First because the pros and cons depend upon the points of view of the husband and wife as well as the needs of the family. Second, we cannot really judge others for deciding on what they think is best for their family.

    Three or more so years ago, I only worked part time. Like have students in the afternoons only, whole day W-F-Sat. Then I was asked to teach in a multidisciplinary pediatric intervention center in Ortigas Center in Pasig. First I went there every W, from 12-5. Then I was asked to have another day so I gave a M 12-5 schedule. When my good friend P, took a sick leave and decided not to come back, I took over her students and added another day, T with 11-5 schedule.

    I do enjoy going there, interacting with the therapists and parents. I learn new things from them, me being the only special ed teacher while the rest of them are speech-language and occupational therapists. I am able to observe different teaching techniques.

    Do I consider myself a full-time career mom now? I don’t think so. Because I can bring my children with me when I go there so we still spend time together even if I’m working. But the house, it has been as cleaned as it was before. But we make do. The children enjoy going with me and this is a chance for them to meet other children their own age. It is also a chance for me to explain to them how some children are different.

    Sorry, long post. I got carried away. But hey, this could be a post in my site, 😉

  2. So true, Julie. Thanks for sharing your insights on this. And please, your posts no matter how long or short are very welcome. I enjoy “reading your thoughts”. 😀
    Thanks again!

  3. Hi Greymom,
    It’s really challenging specially for women like us who have been in the workforce and then had to give up a career in the name of family. We miss the financial satisfaction, promotions and just self-gratification of accomplishing something. Here in the States, we need to make alot more than just making enough for childcare, clothes, gas, tax and other expenses to justify going out of the home to work. My husband and I did the math and after everything is said and done- take home pay isn’t worth the added stress on the family.
    Kids grow and someday we can go back to working. 🙂 It’ll be more difficult because they’ll look at the length of time of not working but hey, we can always work towards learning something new.

  4. Hi Tina,
    I had a really long reply to your comment but it never showed. Oh well. So true, all the things you said. It really defeats the purpose when you work. Whatever you earn goes to childcare and it’s just not worth it.
    And yes, here’s to learning something new!

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