F*ck Love 

I just finished a book today. It was a really good book. So good that I had to copy all the beautiful, poignant and sensitive sentences. And this is the most that I had to copy all the quotes from from any book I have read. It was just full of insightful wisdom that made me reflect and contemplate about life, love, friendship and bravery. 

The book is called F*ck Love by Tarryn Fisher. 

  
The reviews on this book are mixed. The subject is indeed a little sensitive – falling inlove with your best friend’s boyfriend, which I do not agree on, most certainly. For me – it is such a relationship, dealbreaker event. There is the girl code: chicks before dicks. You never ever date your friend’s boyfriend – present or past. But the book is more than that. It’s about being brave and serendipity and the power of true love. 

There are so many memorable quotes in this book – 
“Don’t be upset that you can’t attain constant happiness. It’s the quickest way to feel like a failure in life. If each of our lives represented a page in a book, happiness would be the punctuation. It breaks up the parts that are too long. It closes off some things, divides others. But it’s brief—showing up when it’s needed and filling tired paragraphs with breaks. Being content is a more attainable constant state. To love your fate without being drunk on euphoria. Brave, determined acceptance removed of bitterness. Be gentle with yourself. Embrace the lows so that you can more effectively enjoy the highs. Love the fight. Love it so much, and let it save you when your emotional muscles have become soft”

“No one tells you that it hurts this much to be a grown-up. That people are so complicated they end up hurting each other to self preserve”

“Life is but a carousel of four seasons. Unpredictable for the most part. Happy. Unhappy. Content. Searching. Mess up the “order, and they still rebound at one point or another. I’ve learned that revolution can be inward or outward. A move across the country to gain perspective. A change of heart and mind to gain sanity. But the point is to revolt when the season changes. If only to quench your thirst, revolt.”

“I want him to be happy.”
“That’s easy to say until the person you love is happy with someone else. Girls always choose men, and men always choose the wrong girls. It’s an endless cycle.”

And so on…. 
I hated that the book ended. As in the case of any boook that I read – I get invested in the characters. I become the main character in the book, or it will feel like watching a movie, going to places I’ve never been. I see a little of myself in some or all of the characters. They do things I want to do, things I am not brave enough to try, they say the words that I cannot articulate. And I live vicariously through these characters. 

And as always, I hated that the book ended. And so I look back at the quotes, sentences, paragraphs that I copied from the book, as I do with other books and song lyrics. 

Until the next book, movie, tv show and song. 

Published in: on February 8, 2016 at 12:05 am  Comments (8)  
Tags: , , , , ,

Restless

There are so many things I want to do – stitch, write, organize, clean, watch a movie, take down fall decor and put up Christmas ones, and so on and so forth. But I do not know what to do. 

It’s Friday night and it is supposed to be the start of the weekend. I can drink a glass of wine, stay up late, have fun without thinking of work the next day. But instead I sit here pounding on my keyboard. 

I have always been a restless soul. I feel like I am constantly in search of something. What that something is, I do not know. All I know is that I must find that something and maybe then I will be restless no more. 

I wake up periodically at night. Almost every hour. I just randomly open my eyes, stare at the bedside clock and try my best to go back to sleep. And I love sleep, I love my naps. The funny thing is that I sleep more soundly when I am not in my own house. Last week when we were in Delaware, I slept like a baby. Not even getting up to pee in the middle of the night. Maybe it was the fact that we were on vacation and I do not have to think about anything else.

I should be doing something right now. My mind is alive but my body refuses to budge. 

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. 

Published in: on December 4, 2015 at 10:10 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , ,

A Mother’s Concerns

I worry about him constantly, endlessly

Is he eating okay?

When he’s driving in the rain, does he turn his lights on?

When he comes home late, is it safe for him to walk to his apartment?

Is he working too much? Taking on extra shifts?

Does he get along well with his roommates? 

Do they all chip in and doesn’t let him cook all the time?

Does he miss us as much as we miss him?

Will he ever come back home? 

Does this get any easier? 

Monday Blues 

  

Oh Monday, how do I hate thee?

I hate thee with a vengeance – the beginning of the week

When getting up in the morning feels like I am dragging the entire world

When I half-heartedly leave the warm confines of my bed, my pillows, my blanket

And I have to join the rest of the workforce – driving to work like zombies in an assembly line.

Where a mug of coffee is not enough to keep me awake

And memories of the weekend still lingers in my mind.

Oh how I hate Mondays! 

Image credits: Flickr.com

Published in: on December 1, 2015 at 7:34 pm  Leave a Comment  

Mistakes 

image

From a previous entry from my old blog

October 13th, 2006, 08:47 am

My favorite quote of the week – Grey’s Anatomy

“Turns out sometimes you have to do the wrong thing. Sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. The stakes are painful. They’re the only way to find out who you really are. I know who I am now. And I know what I want.” (from GA season 3 epi 3)
Here’s my take:

We all make mistakes especially in our youth and later on, it kind of defines who we are. We learn from our mistakes and hope against hope we don’t commit the same mistakes. People get hurt along the way. Sometimes not deliberately. Some people will never forgive us for our mistakes, as if they never committed mistakes in their lives themselves. But we go on with our lives and do the best that we can.

Not everyone gets second chances, sometimes they are branded for life. Some people never get back on their feet and buries themselves deeper in sorrow and anguish and depression. Others bounce right back, shrug it off and just do the best they can. I would like to believe I belong to the latter. I did encounter lots of trials and tribulations and I have managed to emerge a well rounded person (I hope). I think those mistakes that I made in my youth made me a better person. And I know what I want. I am older and wiser and I have learned a lot from my mistakes. I will continue to make mistakes but I will continue to learn and live.

image credits: google

Published in: on November 22, 2015 at 6:33 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , ,

Live and Let Go 

I stare at him across the table. He looks tired but still manages to tell us about his day – how this is one of the busiest time at his workplace and how he was running around like a chicken with his head cut off. We listen to him, his brother looks on, hanging on his every word. His Dad nods as they sit side by side. 

He said he is working more hours, one of his co-workers he really likes is moving away and so is his manager. He is sad, he says but is okay. He is growing up, my son. 

He moved away, after all, to be independent. And so far he seems to be doing fine. 

I, however, am not.  

I still feel sad whenever he leaves, I miss him a lot. I can’t help but get all choked up whenever I pass by his room. His door that creaks whenever he opens it is now eerily silent.

 I keep his bed clean with crisp sheets, his favorite comforter and his fleece blanket in the hopes that he will once again lay there. 

Each time he comes to visit, I drop everything and make sure I give him my full attention. I over feed him and make him take more food – from the fridge, the pantry, the table. 

It doesn’t get easier. Each time he leaves, he takes a piece of my heart. I hug him and tell him I love him, be careful driving. He assures me he will and that he loves me too. 

He leaves and I stay standing at the door until his car is no longer visible. I go back to whatever I was doing, trying hard to make it as I die a thousand times deep inside. 

  

 

Published in: on November 22, 2015 at 12:17 am  Comments (2)  

You’re Beautiful 

People have always compared me and my sister. Born a year apart, my mom would dress us in the exact same clothes, confusing people into thinking we were twins. Until the day when people “branded” us. She’s the pretty one and I was the smart one. Some would look at us and say to my sister: “oh you’ve grown up so beautifully” and then turns to me and says “don’t worry, you’re the smart one”. I felt like I was the consolation prize. 

Up to this day, we are still being compared. Especially since she has the boobs, pretty and younger looking and I am shorter, flat-chested and plain looking. And now that she has moved in with us, people are still making observations about how we look alike but so different. She’s the better version, the latest model and I am last year’s fashion. 

My husband, bless his heart, insists that I am beautiful. I want to believe him, I do. But it is so hard since the day we were together and people were wondering why he picked me. My own mother even made a remark: “oh he likes her because he found out she has a crush on him”. And because of that, I made a vow to make the relationship work. Because I wanted to prove her wrong. 

Add to this, I gained weight recently due to a new medication I am taking. So now I am not only plain, shorter and flat-chested, I am also fat. 

Forgive my rant – I am suffering from very low self-esteem. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  

image credits : mujerde10.com

Published in: on November 18, 2015 at 8:00 pm  Comments (2)  
Tags: , , ,

Don’t Worry, Be Happy 

  

My older son recently moved out. He has been out of our home for a little over a month now and I can finally talk about it without my eyes glossing over. 

It was bittersweet when he asked our permission that he was moving out. We were happy that he is spreading his wings and broadening his horizons. That he will finally learn to be independent. After all, one of my daily sermons was: “your Dad and I will not be here forever so try to learn how to fend for yourself”. But suddenly when you are in that moment, no matter how much you prepare, it is still a sad event. 

The first 3 days went on, my husband broke down on the 3rd day. He was bawling like I’ve never seen him since his Dad’s death 20 years ago. I comforted him and he was impressed that I was taking it much better than he is. 

Until the 7th day. 

It hit me at the cleaning aisle of the Home Depot, which, thank God, ws empty. Turns out mine was a delayed reaction. 

Fast forward and today marks the 38th day and my younger son’s bday. We all met at the restaurant. He came in hurriedly from work. “Sorry”, he says “I hope you all didn’t have to wait long”. He looked happy as he animatedly recounted his kitchen adventures and how he is teaching his 2 roommates how to cook as well. How he started his work-out regime and his “portion-control-and-not-a-lot-of-carbs/rice” diet. He looked good, healthy and happy. 

And just like that – everything is alright with my world again.

 

Published in: on November 8, 2015 at 9:38 pm  Comments (2)  
Tags: , , , ,
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 39 other followers