The Continuing Saga of the Insensitive Friend

Insensitive friend strikes again!
IF: Hey, whatchadoin?
Me: Oh, you know, puttering around the house.
IF: I am so bored! I don’t know how you do it!
Me: Well…
IF: I mean, how can you stay at home day in and day out, attending to your children’s and husband’s needs? Don’t you get bored? I am so glad my maternity leave ends in a few weeks. But you! You’re stuck there for the long haul.
Me: You see, (formulating a snappy comeback)
IF: Well, gotta go, the baby needs to be fed.
Me: (reluctantly)Bye.

TLC’s The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom

There’s this new show on TLC entitled “The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom“. The premise of the show is that a Mom goes off for one week. Her family thinks she’s off to a spa getaway but the truth is that she’s on a one week soul searching journey. Reliving what she used to be or trying out what she’s always wanted to do. At the end of the week, she gets to decide whether to pursue a career or stay at home. I watched this episode where a former award- winning chef had to give up her career to care for her 2 toddlers and stay at home with the kids. I can totally relate. Of course I’m no award-winning chef but I did give up my career to stay at home and take care of my kids and husband. And seeing the woman be in her element in the kitchen was really something. She even said: “this is the best right here, just me with my spoon. I’m happy”.

It made me think of me. Of what I could have been and what I could become. There are restrictions now that I have kids. Daycare expenses, the thought of leaving the kids to strangers and letting them raise your kids does not appeal to me. So we make sacrifices. For the sake of the kids. For the sake of our marriage. For the sake of our husbands. And sometimes we get lost in the process. Who am I now? What have I become? And we lose the self-confidence, the self-esteem, the feeling of self-worth. Can I still do it? Will I be able to deliver?

Now I know that the TV producers just might have thought of this show as another way to make money and capitalizing on the reality-based shows’ successes. But it still made an impact and was thought provoking enough for me to write about it here in my blog. It made me pause and ponder.

I have yet to watch another episode. Once was enough to have made an impact.

image credits: www.tvguide.com

“What a Waste!”

I was with some of my friends and in the course of the conversation , somebody mentioned a friend of ours who suddenly had to stop working. Here’s how the conversation went:

Friend1: Is she working right now?
Me: No. She’s staying home with her 3 year old. (she has another daughter who’s in school)
Friend2: She said she enroled her 3 year old at the daycare center and her daughter didn’t like it there.
Friend1: Really? What a waste!
Me: Well, that’s fine as it’s a temporary thing. (They were going to move so it wouldn’t make sense. But she didn’t want to divulge details)
Friend2: Yes, it’s fine by her. It’s her choice.
Friend1: Such a shame because she’s a nurse.
But Friend1 kept on saying that it’s such a shame that this friend of hers is staying at home and not working. She kept saying that it’s such a waste. I was deeply affected by this because hello! Number one, I am not working either. So does that make me a waste too? Does she feel that I am wasting my time staying at home with my kids? Doesn’t she understand that there are sacrifices parents do for their children? That it’s a temporary thing and one day she’s going back to work again? I was reeling from shock because I did not expect that this friend of ours had the audacity to say those things in front of me. I was the only SAHM present and I was too dumbfounded to say anything. I let it slide but told my husband about it that night.
Me: Babe, did you know that Friend1 thought that it’s such a shame that our friend is staying at home with her kids right now? She kept saying “what a waste” as if that’s a forever thing.
TheFisherman: Well, sometimes other people do not see beyond the here and now.

That was food for thought. And I had to agree. There are people who thinks that just because I’m a SAHM I have all the time in the world. The reactions usually is of :
a) envy - wow, how lucky you are! you get to stay at home all day and shop and do lots of fun things!
b) disgust - well, can’t you work part time? your kids are tweens now, they can handle themselves.
c) demeaning - oh really? I guess not all of us wants a career and earn money
I do not know how to reply every time because it’s none of their business. I do not feel the need to explain myself and enumerating all the reasons and stating all the pros and cons. Nor do I feel like going through the financial report of our household. But there are times when I am so tempted to step up to my soapbox and really tell them everything. But that’s a waste of my time and energy.